jamtam replied to your post: it’s that time of year!

I won’t pretend to know any of the details, and I’m sure you know the following, but; -don’t mistake an act of supportive kindness with selfish coveting -but more importantly, will that little shit (biased party) be there for you 8 years from now?

he is not the type of person to be there for anyone after even a day, let alone eight years. (your assessment, although biased, is not inaccurate. and i definitely agree.)

these are good things to keep in mind, and i’m grateful for the reminders.

mostly this is one of those things that i tend to go through phases of obsessing over. it has been dragged back to the surface, i think, mostly because in my hasty return to san diego i had essentially abandoned a number of relationships with various people. i’m experiencing this panic with a number of recognized faces, but this one specifically is somewhat exacerbated by its own ridiculous history. it just has all these aspects of unfinished business and uncertainty that drive me crazy.

in all honesty though he isn’t worth even a tenth of the amount of thought i put into this.

bleh. i will just continue hoping he is nowhere near sf. (seeing how damaging he is when he is not a part of my life, you can only imagine how horrible it is when he is a part of it. like fucking drugs.)

anyway thanks again for the sharp reminders. these are things i need. i’m am going to go to sleep while staring at pictures of michael in his footie pajamas and meditating on how singularly amazing he is.